[[*...pOOh..eeu..n mi...*]]

Saturday, May 29, 2004

ARRRGH!!hw i wish im by de sea..wer ders no1 xcept mi..i wan 2 shout out loud..i wan 2 scream..i wan 2 release de weight in my heart wich is makin mi suffocated..im soo confused..im soo hurt..im in sooo much pressure..agony..argh!can sme1 pls pul mi out frm dis hole wich is suffocatin mi..wich is hurtin mi..pls..i dono y..my tears r sudd rushin out..my heart aches..it hurts..its in soo much pain..i feel lonely..alone..im even angry..nt wif any1 bt myself..i can no longer maintain de smile wich is always painted on my face..im sick n tired of dis drama...y din i cut my whole hand juz nw..y did i onli cut my finger..y din my blood gushed out n form a pool of blood on my feet..y izit juz sme pathetic amt..y...

Beary Hugzzz @ |9:31 PM|

Friday, May 28, 2004

tink i juz cant keep my word..haha..cant resist comin online..tho i don realie hav a gd reason 4 comin online..n niwae..my msn is stil spoil..n ders noone in yahoo..borin..bt dont xpect any1 2 b online niwae coz its kinda later..n oh yar..my mummy went 2 sch juz nw 4 de parents session..gosh..4 all my life..i hav neva done so badly..seriously..only 2dae i realize hw badly i hav done..my report book is nw so ugly wif my results..bt luckily..amazingly..Lina din complain anythg..din nag..din sae anythg bad..haha..sori niwae..tink so badly of her..bt my results r so bad i myself cant stand it..n my mummy was lyk "kak,hw kak?"..haha..bt gt nthg 2 sae..even b4 i reach sch..i told her de suns wich i failed n she was lyk "huh?hw kak?if i noe i ask daddy 2 take off n cme"..haha.. n wen mummy ask mi wer im gg if i cant go poly n jc..den hw..i stil can rep her nvm..sae no need study ah..haha..wat a great joke..my harapan tinggi melangit..bt i promise myself i'll work hard enuf 2 get beter results..so i wont b heartbroken..dis is onli mid-yr..told mummy i can du it 4 de o'level..n can stil tel her de o wil b easier..n she was lyk "realie ah kak?"..haha..hope so lah mummy..don worry..i don mean 2 disappoint u..n i wont disappoint u further..i can du it..rite dydy..my dydy always hav so much confidence in mi..i'll try nt 2 disappoint u k darlin boi..atleast he improved dis time..while he improve,i sink further in..haiz..hopefuli in our last hurdle..we both wil survive..n survive wel...

went out wif mummy n her frens aft sch..haiz..she asked mi 2 folo..went 2 one of her fren's hse coz she gg umrah..den went 2 lot 1..damn it lah..im lyk writin my daily timetable..sori..n yar..watched marah marah sayang..tho i aready watch it..i stil find it so nice..xpecialy de songs..soo nice...

n oh..der was dis sayin "guys cant b trusted"..AT ALL!!..haiz..dats wat i always hear..n smetimes wat i sae lah..haha..bt i wont let dat influence my mind..im stil gonna trust my boi..wif all my life..tho i noe smetimes hw sincere a guy can b..de way he look wen he promise u dis n dat..n den break it..no matter hw much hurt n pain it brings..im stil gonna trust my boi ..nthg is gonna stop mi frm trustin n believin him..coz i believe he has his own reasons 2 break it n go against it..n im sure its nt his fault..juz dont test mi 2 far..coz ders certainly a limit 2 my understandin..guess i get gg nw..so sleepy..bt i stil nd 2 try n du smethg 2 my hotmail n msn..take care ppl..n luv u loverboi...

Beary Hugzzz @ |11:26 PM|

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

damn..told myself i wont b comin online 2dae n maeb 4 quite sme time..bt i juz nd 2 get sme tings off my chest..its 2 heavy..n i noe it'll affect mi in sme ways..n im nt lettin anythg or any1 spoil my mood..no no..n of coz de main reason y i don wana cme online is coz of de o'level wich is juz on mon..yeah..dis mon..bt i dont feel dat guilty coz juz nw ive done quite a num of assessment papers..altho its juz MT,it means quite a lot 2 mi..coz dis is de onli paper wich i aim 2 get A1..or atleast an A2..if i din get it..im gonna retake it..tho its a waste of time n wateva...

n yar..again..sme 1 said smethg wich i dont lyk..wich i even hate..i wont sit stil wen sme1 tok bad abt my boi..no i wont..try mi..tho i wont b flarin up infrnt of u..hw far du u noe my boi??hw many times hav u seen him??its onli a pathetic short while at dat..pls lah ppl..dont tok sedap mulut can or nt..i hate it k..u don noe him..n it doesnt even concern u..so wat wif his walk..yar..juz bcoz wen u saw hm he was walkin lyk dos mats..wif hands swingin n all dat..lyk gangster..bt come on lah..MY BOI IS MUCH BETER DEN DAT..s if he nt tired walkin lyk dat all de while..i admit..he does walk lyk dat at times..bt nt every single time..so wat r u gonna say??dat u r so perfect??ur boi is damn perfect??cme on lah..guess it juz doesnt suit him 2 walk lyk dat..he doesnt walk lyk dat..so??does it mean dat my boi is soo bad juz bcoz he walk lyk dat..get lost lah..stop bullshittin can or nt..dah tak ade keje ke pe tgok camana org jln n comment??if u luv doin dat so much..den duduk tepi jln..record all de diff ways of ppl walkin..dah tak de keje pe..cme on lah..dont juz shoot out wat u feel..n don tink negative of my boi..nt on sme stoopid tings lyk de way he walks..im telin u..every1 has deir gd n bad pts..y cant ppl juz understand dat??n show mi de perfect way of walkin..if u can du dat..i'll teach my boi dat k..so u wont comment anythg on de way he walk..wat nonsense..yalah..its juz small ting..bt it hurts mi 2 noe dat ppl r so narrow-minded..n u r 1 of dem..i was xpectin u 2 b able 2 understand beter..n 2 b able 2 understand mi wel..i hate dis stuffs..i hate it wen ppl tok bad abt my boi..n dont b stoopid enuf 2 du it infrnt of mi..dont try mi..i can b rude..i m most of de time niwae..pls lah k girl..try 2 understand..ppl dont walk wif ur command..dey don walk de way u wan dem 2..try 2 understand k..n 4 goodness sake..de way he walk doesnt affect ur life..AT ALL!!im nt askin u 2 walk wif him..or 2 stare at him while he walks..in short..ITS NO BUSINESS OF U PPL 2 BOTHER IN OTHER PPL'S LIFE...!!!

love is nt determine by de way a person walks
if it is 2 u
wel its nt 4 mi
can de way a person walk shows hw deep his luv 4 u is
does a gd way of walkin shows a good person
n does a certain way of walkin shows hw bad a person is???

Beary Hugzzz @ |10:10 PM|

Saturday, May 22, 2004

sorie 4 yest..said i'll cme back bt dint..wel..2 tired..gt no energy 2 cme online again..tink wen i hav time den i'll write down sme lyrics..guess tmr i'll hav de time since tmr daddy has his MIJW meetin again at hme..surely i wont b gg out..no no..haha..so bad..bt i juz dont feel lyk it..onli wen everybody left i'll b de 1st 2 go kitchen 2 find food..lyk last wk..felt so hungry while waitin 4 de coast 2 clear..haha..n yar..1 of my daddy's fren's wife asked abt mi..hehe..she said i malu wana go out..yalah..dats 1 reason..coz alot of ppl..so..guess its beter 4 mi 2 stay here..n yalah..its in de morn n i surely haven bathe rite..so..dont feel dat gd 2 go out "kopet"...

wel..i juz reach hme lyk les den half an hour ago frm de hosp..went der in de aft wif nenek n my 2 bros..my parents din go coz dey wana go smewer..n yar..de place was nice..its de new buildin..n she's in de 1 person per rm..de rm looks lyk a hotel..its nice lah..n yar..she's gettin beter..mayb tmr can go hme..n my other relatives r der 2..nt many lah..n we r lyk picnickin der..wif alot of foods n drinks..i eat roti boyan..followed by chicken kebab..n 2 cans of aloe vera peach..haha..aft dat i realie felt ful..tekak dah mual..eh..mcm pregnant gi2..i mean..tekak tak sedap..xpecialy nw..havoc bilik 2..i tink my aunt oso pening..my cuzs n bro realie lyk dono wat..tink dey at hme ah..de nurses cme in a few times 2 ask 2 lower down de vol..haha..n 1 fat joke..i was teased der..my uncle tot dat dis guy..was my bf..it turned out dat he's my another uncle's younger bro..gosh..my uncle realie u noe..make every1 laughed at mi..n most embarrassin of all..my aunt keep teasin mi by sayin "menantuku" coz his mum was der..don dare look at his mum face..luckily we noe each other so nt dat bad lah..haiz..n my uncle sent us hme..naik lori..n my uncle asked mi sit infrnt..i kinda lyk sittin infrnt..can c so clearly..so cool..n he bot a new hp n he showed mi..actuallie b4 he cme in..i aready saw it..bt dono hw 2 on so he showed mi..haha..buat malu je..bt dono hw im gonna drive later..so scary wen ders a bike rider n my uncle kinda avoid it..so scary..feels lyk gg 2 langgar him..n 2 cases wer de pedestrians wer crossin..haiz..realie lyk wana knock dem down..n u noe y im feelin dis wae..coz mayb de lorry is veri high n its damn clear..coz i don hav dis fear in de car or taxis..or mtorbikes..aha...

n yar..recently i realie eat alot..guilty 2 sikit ah..tapi lapar je..cannot refrain myself frm eatin..haiz..n last time minum coke sikit dah sakit perut..dis few daes..sek minum coke je..tak sakit perut pulak..sikit je ah..haha..sorie dydy..i oklah..don worrie..n yar..stil havin my flu..my sis oso havin den she blame mi 4 passin it 2 her..2dae my flu gets worse..everitime i sneeze..de tissue beter b der..either i nd 2 sit near a box of tissue or hold a tissue in my hand at all times..haiz..hope dats de worse i'll b feelin..cant afford 2 feel any worse nw..n oh..atleast i did start studyin my malay..atleast a bit lah..here n der...

Beary Hugzzz @ |10:47 PM|

Friday, May 21, 2004

dono y..bt im bloggin again..spent sme time readin my old blogs..onli nw i realize hw much i've gone thru..hurt..pain..wonders of life huh..hw much ive gone thru wif my boi xpecialy..n yar..onli nw realize my blogger is mor den 1 yr old..hehe..4get 2 wish it a happie 1 yr bdae dat dae..bt nw im feelin kinda edgy..dono y..was shoutin at my bro n bein damn lazy 2 ans ppl..wen dey tok 2 mi or wat..haiz..n tink im realie gettin flu..its gettin worse den juz nw..maeb aft a gd nite slp it'll b ok..coz im realie lazy 2 b caring 4 my nose all de time..i realize hw gullible i can b at times..hw emotional..hw..dono wat else 2 sae..all by readin my old blogs..yeah..make mi tink back on my past..haiz..time sure flies fast..n its true..de pain wil heal wif time..or wateva it is..2 a certain xtent..i agree wif it..yeah..time sure heal alot of my pain..glad i survive n get thru all dos hurdles wich nearly made mi giv up hope n extinct frm de wrld..gtg..i'll cme back later 2 copy a piece of lyric..juz receive a msg frm my fren n wana go check it out..c ya...

Beary Hugzzz @ |10:41 PM|

im online again 2dae..wow..haha..yalah..nt always online nw..hardly..no time n 2 lazy at times..coz de comp is nt up 2 my xpectation yet..yalah..dont u noe my xpectations r damn high..im 2 demandin wat rite..huh ppl??bt dats mi..accept it..or leave it..u hav a choice..crappin again..wel..was readin bloggers juz nw..sme1 actuallie hav de bollywood stars fotos wen dey cme 2 s'pore..cool..bt onli a few lah..nvm..atleast stil get 2 c..n de pics r kinda clear..wel..tanks girl..oh yar..was kinda happie 2 dae..tho hme alone again 2dae..my fam went out 2 c cik yaya again in hosp..pray dat she'll get wel soon..so pitiful..bt its nice lah 2 b hme alone..de hse can save sme elect at last..im a conservative freak man..i'm oways de 1 swtchin off de lights..n most of de time shoutin at ppl 4 nt switchin off switches n stuffs.. even feel guilty 2 on de air-con..haha..bt die-die wan air-con in de hse..yalah..crazy rite..niwae..elect is nt cheap..dats y muz conserve it..save $$..save env..crap..niwae..listenin 2 nurul n ajai cd nw..argh!!gt flu!!cant stand it..morn hav..nite hav..surely catch de dono wat 's' ting frm my darlin..haiz..nvm...

wel..kinda alot hav bin happenin..2dae im kinda happie..can sae im realie happie lah..haha..my darlin dydy is so sweet..bot mi a ring..wel..its a couple ring..gt my name n his name..so touched wen he knelt down n put it on 4 mi..at de sme time sayin "wil u b mine 4 eva?"..haha..i dono wat 2 sae..onli gav him a kis..den he said.."so i guess dats a yes?"..den i shook my head n said "no"..heart pain2 ah he..bt i was jokinlah..den i said "yes lah"..haiz..sorie lah darlin..wel..thanx so much k..4 everythg..n bsides dat..gt our results yest n 2dae..bt don wana tok abt it..later2 can...

n on wed..went sentosa..wif my frens dey all lah..bt spent most time wif dydy n jen..everythg goes on kinda wel lah..tho we actuallie suppose 2 b wif 1 grp..we ended up wif another..niwae..don tink its a prob..lyk wat i sae..everythg goes on wel..its nice..n 4 de 1st time..i cycled..yes!!thanx dydy..its realie wonderful 2 b cyclin..yalah..dat i donwan 2 stop..bt de rent is so exp..wont waste my $ lyk dat..thanx again k dydy..n 4 gettin mi 2 dat black thingy wich took up so much of ur energy..thanx..dats de onli words wich i cld sae 2 u..u even helped my frens s wel..on deir behalf..i wld lyk 2 sae thanx 2 u..tho it made u du smethg wich u shld nt b doin..if i cld turn back time..i wld rather nt get on dat black thingy tho i realy badly wanted it..i rather nt get on2 it den let u did dat 1 mistake..yes dydy..1 mistake..n it hurts mi so much..wateva ppl may tink..it hurts mi..it hurts mi mor den anybody else..u noe i hate u dg dat..yes..my fren told mi u did it wen i cme out of de toilet..bt i said she's wrong n said u're dg smethg else..u'll neva du dat n i'll neva let u du dat s long s u're wif mi..i'll make sure of it..den wen i found out myself..yes..myself..i feel damn angry..yes..i admit im angry wif u..bt my anger 2 u is nt s much s my anger 2wards myself..4get it lah k..its over..u promise mi nt 2 du it again..hold on tite 2 it..dont try mi dy..dont...

wateva it is..i luv my darlin so veri much..thanx so much 4 de ring..s wel s everythg k...

Beary Hugzzz @ |8:37 PM|

Sunday, May 16, 2004

luck is wif mi nw..yeah nw..juz nw aft i publish den my comp start again..i mean start wif its trouble..nw..i can finally get thru w/o any disturbances..atleast nt much lah..juz sent an e-mail 2 my dydy..hope its sent 2 him lah..wel..im stuck inside de rm coz my daddy havin meetin outside..his MIJW meetin..everytime i gt 2 type n print out de agendas n stuffs 4 him..bt don mind lah..juz small tings...

yup..left 2daes den i'll b free frm mid-yr exam..tmr gt hist paper..n tue gt phy n chem paper 1..den wed gt no sch..yes..bt dono y im so happie..i take tings 2 lightly..of coz im tokin abt my exam..i admit i din put in my best effort..keep concentratin on other stuffs rather den spendin time in bks..bt i promise myself i'll change..lyk wat dydy's mum sae..aft de o..i can throw my bks aside n du wonders wif my life..yeah..n dats wat im gonna du..tings r fine..yeah..dey r..im puttin my feet firmly rooted 2 de ground..i can b shaky..bt i'll nt giv up..im nt gonna giv up my happiness up 4 de benefit of sme freaks out der..i juz hate backstabbers..FUCK OFF..n if ya readin my blogger..can i ask u a qn..y r u readin dis??2 noe if my life's bin hell??2 noe if im dead yet??i wont die dat easily lah ppl..I WONT..i hav de support of other warm-blooded mammals hu truly love mi..i don nd cold-blooded ppl lyk u..niwae..no1 gonna stop u frm readin dis blogger of mine..giv s much comments s u wan..i don giv a damn..coz dis blogger is mine..n onli mine..n yar..don tink dat by creatin stories..it'll throw mi 2 hell..nt yet ppl..nt yet..nt dat easy 2 get rid of mi..cont makin up dos stories if it excites u so damn much..haha..bt noe 1 ting..my love is nt dat easily shaken..its nt..im gonna hold on tight..n im gonna show de wrld dat true love does nt fear anythg...

i din mention any names here..if u tink its u..wel..up 2 u..feelin guilty..den ask urself wat u hav done..im telin u smethg..up 2 u if u wan 2 hear..pls..pls try mendin ur ways..we can die anytime..n s sme1 hu used 2 b ur fren..i wan u 2 die in peace..no regrets watsoever..kite org Islam..tak baik buruk-burukkan org juz 2 balas dendam..u muz learn 2 accept sme tings..sme tings r meant 4 us..bt sme r nt..we lyk sme tings..bt we gt 2 accept dat dey belong 2 sme1 else n we cant force ourselves thru juz 2 possess it..if u hate mi..so b it..bt don go over-board by makin stories wich wil onli increase ur sins..okie..pls..try changin n i assure u ur life wil b a beter n a mor meaningful 1...

Beary Hugzzz @ |11:53 AM|

here i m aft soo long nt bein able 2 cme online..smethg's realie wrong wif my comp..my bro sae kene infected wif de virus..damn..of all comps..even nw stil gt prob..wateva it is..if later my comp ok..i'll write tons of tings rite here on my blogger..nw..juz wana sae i luv my darlin boi soo damn much..(',')..b back if i can get online w/o any probs...

Beary Hugzzz @ |9:56 AM|

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